Conscience

Few things are more counterintuitive than choosing to accept that you can’t trust your thoughts.  But in these moments you have to trust people around you, which is what con-science means—to know with other people. — Alan Noble in On Getting Out of Bed

Most of us use many forms of technology to assist us in making choices.  There are a few things you can cook without a timer, but most of us use timers all the time.  They provide a perspective that is useful.  I recently bought a new toothbrush to help me take better care of my gums.  It lets me know with a warning light if I am pressing too hard.  Feedback is helpful in many areas of life.  Why, when we are struggling with depression or anxiety, do we find it so hard to accept input from people we normally trust?

The simple answer is pride.  I am convinced that I am always the best judge of what is best for me.  It is simple to identify the blind spots in others, but nearly impossible to admit that I have my own.

The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jeremiah 17:9-10 NIV)

Scripture tells me clearly that my heart is deceitful.  My mind lies to me all the time.  I need the perspective of others to overcome the lies. I need the perspective of others who know me, especially my wife’s perspective.  She can better determine whether I need a boot to get going or need to go back to bed to take a nap.  I do not like needing that external point of reference, but it has become essential.

As people who are trying to become more like Jesus, and especially for those of us confronted with some form of mental illness, we need both conscience and confession.    We especially need the conscience Alan Noble talks about in this blog’s opening quote.  We need guardrails and feedback from the trusted community around us.  To make that most helpful we need relationships in which confession is frequent.  Confession basically means to agree with and I need to agree with God regarding my sin.  I need to confess to other people so that they can confirm that what I’ve done is wrong and assure me that God’s forgiveness is real.

What do you do when your illness is more than trusted family and friends can deal with?  If you are like me, you don’t think you need to do anything.  My wife tried to convince me I needed help, but I didn’t believe her.  If anything, I saw her as part of my problem.  Then my daughter entered the picture and wrote a letter for me to share with my doctor.  Fortunately, I shared the letter with my doctor and that led to a long process where I found help.

Based on my experience, my first recommendation is to be persistent in seeking help.  The first one you try may not work.  It took three therapists to find one I felt I could trust and who was willing to confront me with hard truths.

Medications can be helpful, but persistence and a trusted community are necessary if you’re going to sort through medications.    External feedback is essential.  I can no longer remember how many medications we went through before we found a combination that helped.

If you’re the one struggling with some form of mental illness there probably isn’t a cure, but there is help.  If you’re a person living with someone with mental illness, please be patient.  Recognize that you may need to call in others or professionals to provide the help that is needed. Fortunately, there are many people who are struggling with some form of mental illness.  Reach out to them.  We need each other.

Who do you trust to provide feedback when your own thoughts can’t be relied on?